I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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