the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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