I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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