Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
