Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
