maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
