I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize