genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
