I wish I could teleport
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
