Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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