Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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