You're so nebulous sometimes
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
