Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
