the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
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He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
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I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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