The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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