The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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