Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.