I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"