hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.