Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
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Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
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So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Canadian or clown?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.