I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face