Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's just like the Real World with babies
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
