she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"