I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
