i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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