so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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