hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize