My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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