I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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