I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
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Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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