happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
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She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
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Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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