I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
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