Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
