Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
