Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
