dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
