Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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