Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
