No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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