I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
