I wanna passion pit in your ass
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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