once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
