also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
