i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
