when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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