i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
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I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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