i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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