He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
