You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
