i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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