Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
