it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
