I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
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wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
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That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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