Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
