this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
