Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
