the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
