the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
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I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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