i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
