And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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