Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
