Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
