Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
