If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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