Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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