Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
