I'm eating all of the evidence.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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