Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Even my vagina gasped.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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