My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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