I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
