Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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