so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
