I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
