I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
