Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
