They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
