***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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