omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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