wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Farmville is her only friend.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
