Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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