Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
